skinny4wedding

I’ve been mostly living with my fiance the past two weeks while I try to find a job and help him get the house set up.  There have been many challenges during this time that have been stressing me out (disappointing interviews, mice! (we’vecaught 5 so far), an envelope crisis with the wedding invitations, weight gain, adjusting to annoying little habits of my husband-to-be, uncertainty about a job for next year, unexplained stomach problems) and I have kind of letting it all get to me.

I talked to my aunt yesterday and in just a few words she turned around my outlook.  She reminded me that I was supported and I have much to be thankful for.  It’s a lot…a loving and supportive family, getting married to someone that I love very much and love spending time with, in-laws that I love AND actually like, a whole summer with no students or school responsibilities, friends all over the state and country, my health and my family’s health, my fiance’s new dream job, wedding planning (I’ve always been obsessed with weddings and this is my one chance to really embrace it), and much much more.

So, even though I’m disappointed in my weight gain, it’s not going to ruin my day.  I’m about to head out the door for a run.  I’m going to (for the three millionth time) refocus on my diet and exercise so I can get rid of this weight that threatens to bring me down.  I’m going to remind myself that all those times when I have not been successful yet were not indicators that I will fail this time.  They were learning experiences.  Each time I try to lose weight, I am better prepared because of everything I’ve tried before.

It’s day one again!  : )

I’m in my future home with my future husband.  I’m excited about all this, but it’s a lot of change and it’s making me a little sensitive and worked up.  I had two interviews yesterday and one more tomorrow.  I accidentally left my tennis shoes and scale at my old house and won’t see them until Saturday.  I broke down and bought a new pair of running shoes today.  I’ve been so bad this week and it just kills me because I finally lost some weight and now I’m sure I’ve gained it back.

Also, I’m so nauseous almost everytime I eat lately.  It was like this two weeks ago, then absolutely fine last week and now it’s happening again.  Of course, all my friends are like, “Morning sickness doesn’t just come in the morning!”  I took a pregnancy test and now I’m on my period, so we can count that out, but I’m so frustrated with my constant angry stomach.  It doesn’t matter what I eat and I can’t figure out any patterns.  Tonight I was so frustrated that I was baking cakes and just completely caved on my no-sweets rule.  I kept thinking these absolutely ridiciously thoughts like, “maybe I just need to eat a little batter and I’ll feel better” or “I really think these leftover cookies will be the cure to my upset stomach.”  Now, my stomach hurts, I’m stuffed, I hate myself for being such a pig, and I’m just so stressed thinking about not even being able to fit into my wedding dress.

How can I go from doing so well to feeling so bad?

After weeks of not being able to budge, I’m finally at 127.  Usually I step on the scale 3 times and take the average, but I’m so desperate that when I saw that number, I just took it!  : )

I’ve been knocking back the water, maybe that’s my magical key.  I’m going to be all over the place for the next 2 weeks so it might be a while before I log in again, but I can’t wait to post my losses then.  My mini-goal is so ridiculously close.  FINALLY, I’m feeling like I can do this.  I’m almost teared up, lol…over 1.5 pounds.  Thank y’all so much, I’ll see y’all in a week or so!

Love!

   First of all, thank y’all for helping keep me good lately.  I’m so so glad that I’ve given up sweets temporarily.  We had a big potluck to celebrate the last day of school today after the kids left and there was this INCREDIBLE spread of every kind of wonderful dessert that you could imagine.  And I thought, “Well…maybe I could just have one cookie or an itsy bitsy bit of cake couldn’t possibly hurt me…”

BUT then I thought of Y’ALL and also my new motto, “There will be hundreds more [cookies, homemade ice creams, birthday cakes, fill-in-the-blank with whatever the temptation is at the time] but I’m only getting married ONCE!  And I will not be wearing [cookies, homemade ice creams, birthday cakes, fill-in-the-blank with whatever the temptation is at the time] on my butt when I walk down the aisle!”   And I just walked away.  Every time I do that, I feel my willpower and self-esteem strengthening, even though that number on the scale is not yet weakening.

And now I have another great opportunity: 2 months of unemployment!  So in the shower, I invented my next commitment and I’m really excited about it: Start every day with a workout.  It’s a no exception commitment, so for the next 60 days until the wedding, I will be waking up to a workout.  Luckily I’ll be spending a lot of the summer with my health-conscious family and they will be getting in plenty of day workouts too.  So I’ll get something in everyday and many will be two-fers!

So I’m happily sweet-free, starting each day sweating, and also trying to get in a lot more water!  And MAYBE, a little less diet coke.  I’m going to lay it all on the line and HOPEFULLY these pounds will start dropping.

So I’m eating less, exercising more and that number will not move!  Since it’s pretty close to those “last ten pounds,” I think they may be just really hard to get rid of.  I don’t know if I should just go into boot camp mode until I start getting results or what.

What have y’all done when you’ve hit a plateau?

My body likes to settle at a weight and just sit there.  For the longest time it was 131.5.  Then it went over that and I freaked out a little.  (At 5′1 and a small frame, a few extra pounds can not be hidden.)  But I’ve got back down to a new number, which, I’m not going to fuss too much about because it’s an improvement, but this number is going NOWHERE.  128.5  It seems like no matter what I do…there it is.

My fiance picks on me (and worries about me a little) when I keep going back to the scale, checking, just in case, maybe I’ve gone down just a little.  Even 128.0 would give me a teensy bit of motivation.  Luckily, I’ve just discovered the motivation to hopefully overcome that and all other obstacles between now and my goal.  All of the sudden, my wedding is just 2 months and 3 days away and I know that this is my absolute last chance if I want to look my best on August 9th.

I’m sticking to my daily calorie total of 1600 and in order to make that more possible for me, I’m cutting out sweets.  I have SUCH a sweet tooth and once I start it’s hard for me to stop.  So, until further notice, all sweets are out completely.  I know it’s not a permanent solution, but it will help me drop the weight more quickly.  When I’m at my ideal weight, I’ll be able to let sweets back in.  I’ve noticed that I can keep the sweets in check when I’m the right size, but if I’m already overweight it’s hard for me to stop…I just think, “What’s one more brownie, I’m already fat.”

I  felt relieved when I made that decision yesterday.  I had to bake a bunch of cookies for school and knowing I couldn’t have ANY, not even a baby one I kind of burnt or sneaking a little batter, made it so much easier.  I usually feel gross after baking or decorating because I snack too much as I go, but yesterday I felt like a willpower champion!  The ONLY exception I am making is that I can have ONE slice of cake at any shower or party I attend for my wedding.  It would just be rude otherwise.  : )

I’m on the road for the weekend and have 3 parties to attend and then parties at school next week for the last two days of school and I’m so excited that I’ve already planned ahead and know I’ll only be having ONE slice of cake!  And then school will be out and I can be the workout queen!

Be on the lookout for great things ahead!

I’ve been kinda MIA the last little bit, trying to wrap up the school year, finding a rental for next year, finding a job for next year, wedding planning, etc. etc.  I’ve only worked out once in the past week, but I’ve been doing pretty good keeping my calories in check.

Going to the gym tomorrow!

Not a great couple of days.  I was all pumped up to do really well this week and then….BLAH.  It just hasn’t happened.  It’s a weird week at school with testing and I’m a little sick and I just haven’t been into it.  Yesterday, I didn’t work out and then had an oreo disaster at the end of the day.  Tried to recover today but didn’t quite make it.  Still didn’t work out.  Got fussed out by my little sister over the phone.

I keep trying to find that magic thing that keeps me motivated and in line.  I know exactly what I need to do.  I have a plan.  I’ve done this before.  It’s just a matter of diving in and doing it.

I was doing pretty well last week until the weekend grew closer and my eating got a little out of hand. I did a mini-triathlon with my mom this week and was happy with completing it successfully without much training. My time wasn’t great, but I just proud that my endurance and athletic confidence is high enough that I can just decide to do a triathlon or half-marathon without much preparation and finish!

I’m buckling back down to really get some results the next few weeks. My last day of school is June 13th and I WILL finish this year at 122 pounds. I will be starting my wedding dress fittings about that time. Between then and my last fitting, about a month later, I WILL lose those last 5 pounds. Now is not the time for more excuses or procrastination.

I’ve been doing really well with my cardio, fruit/veggie, and logging goals.  I need to work on keeping my calories in control and fitting in those strength training workouts.  But I’m getting on a schedule and READY to have some success this week!  I told my sisters that I would be 5 pounds lighter the next time I see them and I live up to my promises.  Maximum calorie totals are FOR REAL this week.  No more than 1600.

This is it.  I can’t wait!!!!  : )

Exercise Log

I’ve enlisted the help of my sweet, kind, forgiving, younger sister to be my “personal trainer” for the wedding. She calls me every night just to check up on my progress and keep me accountable. She’s only in high school, but fortunately has always been very athletic and healthy and has a really good self image. She kinda scolds me if I skip a workout or eat a bit too much.

The OTHER sister is not as sweet or forgiving. She has always been thin and was very athletic as a child and could eat whatever she wanted and never thought twice about it. The past year she has become so ridiculously self righteous about nutrition it drives me up the freaking wall. She has gone from lean to almost gaunt over the past couple years and obsesses about calories far more than any certified nutritionist has ever. We are very close in age and appearance but she is about 20 pounds (or possibly more) smaller than me. When people in my life meet her they are always AMAZED how “she looks JUST look you, but TINY!”

I think that seeing me fluctuate between weights over the years is one of the reason she has recently become so paranoid about her own weight, but she also obsesses over my diet as well. There is never enough fiber in my cereal, few enough calories in my lunch, too many glasses of water, etc. etc. I love her, but sometimes it’s just hard to be around her because she’s so judgmental about everything.

She is home for the summer so she’s been encouraged my other sister to be meaner to me in my daily check-ups. She’s my Jillian and the younger one is my Bob. (If you are a Biggest Loser fan, you understand.) But today, she can can just kiss those extra two slices of pizza on my ass because I’m just not in the mood today and I’m doing a damn triathlon on Saturday.

I’d like to see her skinny ass swim 300 meters, bike 12 miles, and run 3. In under 2 hours.

Okay, I got that out of my system. I’m just giggling with the silliness of all this now. I’m going to dance around the house while I clean for a mini-workout and go to bed!

Have a great evening, ladies!!!!!!!!!